The tale of the crush washer.
Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 9:48 pm
You know, I honestly believe to work at any generic autoparts store, they don't require people to know anything about cars. It's true. Some of the tales I tell about sales people really make you wonder....
In this case, I had Mike94TT come over this weekend to do a few things to his car. It was upper 90s, high humidity, sweat-your-nuts-off-till-you're-dehydrated-and-get-a-headache kinda day. Working outside with no electricity, lights, or fans and the 17 year old mexican women gawking at us like immature infantiles, we decided to take on a few projects. One being the jaunting task of replacing a fuel filer on a 3/S. Honestly, the job takes about 20 min start to finish assuming you can get the feed line appart without stripping the fitting or busting your metacarpus.
Something I'll never understand is why when you buy a fuel filter, it doesn't come with new copper crush washers. In my bewilderment, nearly every autoparts store sales clerk I come accross has never even heard of a washer that acts as a gasket. It's some kind of foreign designed object I guess. Usually I carry a stock of these, but my supply for the fuel lines is depleted at this point.
So we set out to the local Pepboys. There's a freckly redhead who normally works behind the counter (she's really the only reason I go there), but she was off that day. Instead, we're greeted by some younger dude on his first week on the job.
Knowing full well the I-bolts on the fuel filter assembly are custom only to mitsubishis, I brought one of the I-bolts old crush washers just to use as a reference.
The guy points us an isle down and we travel to it only to find there are only regular spacer washers. The trip back to the counter was endowed and I explained what exactly a crush washer is. The guy starts keying things into his thinking machine and comes up short. Then he goes to one of the older gentlemen who was in conference on the phone and assisting another customer.
Well, a few moments later, the kid was finally able to arouse his attention and I once again had to explain what exactly the fuck a copper crush washer was. He aggravatingly put the phone on hold, asked the kid to continue aiding the woman needing brake pads for her Cutlass. We walked 2 isles down to find 1 single box of 10 assorted copper crush washers in some generic size. 2 washers inside the floral container appeared to be close to the size we needed but we needed 4. Being unable to open the box and find out if any were the correct size, we bought it anyway and ventured towards the other Pepboys in the area for another box. Unfortunately, we didn't arrive in time and the doors were locked not minutes before our arrival.
So, we decided to call it a night and grab a bite to munch at the local mexican fast food chain eat place and on the way home, the heavens parted and we encountered a beam of hope in the sunset sky shining on an Autozone. Looking at the clock, it was 5 to 9 giving us just enough time to run in, grab what we need, and leave. Oh no, it's never that simple.
Run inside, ask the pimpled face snot licking virgin for copper crush washers and are commanded to check isle 5. Like I figured, no crush washers, only regular ones. Walk blissfully back to the counter again, ask the other adolescent nigrescent genepool failure where we can find crush washers, and he hands me some generic washer with 9/16ths stamped on it. *sigh* ...and again I explain to the inarticulately incoherent dim-witted monkey trash what exactly the fuck a crush washer is and it's purpose, even give him details on how it does what it does and why it can't be reused, and yet it was still too perplexing to him. "Yeah, we don't carry those."
So, rather than quarrel with the poor teen even more, I ask if they happen to carry any fuel filters (thinking maybe it would come with them). Guy asks for what make car and I say, "Dodge Stealth. Doesn't matter what year or make, they all use the same filter."
Monkey puss: "What year?"
me: "94, but it doesn't matter."
Monkey puss: "Fuel filter right?"
me: "Yessir."
*types things on the computer. Turns the monitor towards me* "Is this it?"
I glance at the conglomeration of part numbers and multi-colored menu selections and just say "sure," and the kid proceeds to the rear of the store to fetch it.
Mean while store clerk #2 AKA the virgin snot licker is locking the door, glances out at my VR4, and it somehow brings out all the joy his life does not have.
virgin snot licker: "Hey is that your VR4 out there!!!"
me: "Yeah, i just got it not long ago."
snot licker: "OMG! Those cars are SO AWESOME! I've always wanted one."
me: "Yeah, they're great cars, I've owned one my whole life..."
snotty puss interrupts: "I can't wait to get one. I'm going to domesticate the SHIT out of it. Ditch the stock motor, throw in a 400... Fucken chrome valve covers are going to be sticking out of the hood and no one will fuck with me. (by the way, i'm not over exaggerating this. These were almost his EXACT words) Guys are gonna come over to my place, see the jeep, and challenge to race and I'm gonna me like, let's go fucker. *inserts some retarded attempt at a buzzer noise which i guess was supposed to symbolize a garage door opener* "See that. Oh yeah, I'm gonna decimate you with that."
me: "that's great"
special ed: "People will be so surprised. They won't know what was comming to them"
me: "I'm sure they will." (give thumbs up)
Schwartzemenugan finally comes back from behind the store with the fuel filter and sure enough, there's 6 crush washers in with it, but 5 of them are bent to shit somehow. He prances back again and comes back with a packet of 2 washers the exact same size. Guess he pulled them out of his ass or something... I don't know nor do I care.
For some reason, I couldn't just purchase the package of crush washers, we needed to buy the whole fuel filter. After the adventure to find the damn things combined with the obtuse 3KGT from upper Delware speech, we just got fed up, bought it, and hit the road.
...and now Mike's car is now happily ever after boosting with no throttle delay...
In this case, I had Mike94TT come over this weekend to do a few things to his car. It was upper 90s, high humidity, sweat-your-nuts-off-till-you're-dehydrated-and-get-a-headache kinda day. Working outside with no electricity, lights, or fans and the 17 year old mexican women gawking at us like immature infantiles, we decided to take on a few projects. One being the jaunting task of replacing a fuel filer on a 3/S. Honestly, the job takes about 20 min start to finish assuming you can get the feed line appart without stripping the fitting or busting your metacarpus.
Something I'll never understand is why when you buy a fuel filter, it doesn't come with new copper crush washers. In my bewilderment, nearly every autoparts store sales clerk I come accross has never even heard of a washer that acts as a gasket. It's some kind of foreign designed object I guess. Usually I carry a stock of these, but my supply for the fuel lines is depleted at this point.
So we set out to the local Pepboys. There's a freckly redhead who normally works behind the counter (she's really the only reason I go there), but she was off that day. Instead, we're greeted by some younger dude on his first week on the job.
Knowing full well the I-bolts on the fuel filter assembly are custom only to mitsubishis, I brought one of the I-bolts old crush washers just to use as a reference.
The guy points us an isle down and we travel to it only to find there are only regular spacer washers. The trip back to the counter was endowed and I explained what exactly a crush washer is. The guy starts keying things into his thinking machine and comes up short. Then he goes to one of the older gentlemen who was in conference on the phone and assisting another customer.
Well, a few moments later, the kid was finally able to arouse his attention and I once again had to explain what exactly the fuck a copper crush washer was. He aggravatingly put the phone on hold, asked the kid to continue aiding the woman needing brake pads for her Cutlass. We walked 2 isles down to find 1 single box of 10 assorted copper crush washers in some generic size. 2 washers inside the floral container appeared to be close to the size we needed but we needed 4. Being unable to open the box and find out if any were the correct size, we bought it anyway and ventured towards the other Pepboys in the area for another box. Unfortunately, we didn't arrive in time and the doors were locked not minutes before our arrival.
So, we decided to call it a night and grab a bite to munch at the local mexican fast food chain eat place and on the way home, the heavens parted and we encountered a beam of hope in the sunset sky shining on an Autozone. Looking at the clock, it was 5 to 9 giving us just enough time to run in, grab what we need, and leave. Oh no, it's never that simple.
Run inside, ask the pimpled face snot licking virgin for copper crush washers and are commanded to check isle 5. Like I figured, no crush washers, only regular ones. Walk blissfully back to the counter again, ask the other adolescent nigrescent genepool failure where we can find crush washers, and he hands me some generic washer with 9/16ths stamped on it. *sigh* ...and again I explain to the inarticulately incoherent dim-witted monkey trash what exactly the fuck a crush washer is and it's purpose, even give him details on how it does what it does and why it can't be reused, and yet it was still too perplexing to him. "Yeah, we don't carry those."
So, rather than quarrel with the poor teen even more, I ask if they happen to carry any fuel filters (thinking maybe it would come with them). Guy asks for what make car and I say, "Dodge Stealth. Doesn't matter what year or make, they all use the same filter."
Monkey puss: "What year?"
me: "94, but it doesn't matter."
Monkey puss: "Fuel filter right?"
me: "Yessir."
*types things on the computer. Turns the monitor towards me* "Is this it?"
I glance at the conglomeration of part numbers and multi-colored menu selections and just say "sure," and the kid proceeds to the rear of the store to fetch it.
Mean while store clerk #2 AKA the virgin snot licker is locking the door, glances out at my VR4, and it somehow brings out all the joy his life does not have.
virgin snot licker: "Hey is that your VR4 out there!!!"
me: "Yeah, i just got it not long ago."
snot licker: "OMG! Those cars are SO AWESOME! I've always wanted one."
me: "Yeah, they're great cars, I've owned one my whole life..."
snotty puss interrupts: "I can't wait to get one. I'm going to domesticate the SHIT out of it. Ditch the stock motor, throw in a 400... Fucken chrome valve covers are going to be sticking out of the hood and no one will fuck with me. (by the way, i'm not over exaggerating this. These were almost his EXACT words) Guys are gonna come over to my place, see the jeep, and challenge to race and I'm gonna me like, let's go fucker. *inserts some retarded attempt at a buzzer noise which i guess was supposed to symbolize a garage door opener* "See that. Oh yeah, I'm gonna decimate you with that."
me: "that's great"
special ed: "People will be so surprised. They won't know what was comming to them"
me: "I'm sure they will." (give thumbs up)
Schwartzemenugan finally comes back from behind the store with the fuel filter and sure enough, there's 6 crush washers in with it, but 5 of them are bent to shit somehow. He prances back again and comes back with a packet of 2 washers the exact same size. Guess he pulled them out of his ass or something... I don't know nor do I care.
For some reason, I couldn't just purchase the package of crush washers, we needed to buy the whole fuel filter. After the adventure to find the damn things combined with the obtuse 3KGT from upper Delware speech, we just got fed up, bought it, and hit the road.
...and now Mike's car is now happily ever after boosting with no throttle delay...
